Class, please open up your books to chapter 26.
As I sit here planning a photoshoot for Friday, setting my tutoring schedule for next week, brainstorming on this episode I have to edit for this web series I'm writing for, building lessons for the class I'm creating at work, while watching this cute new show "The Bold Type", I can't help but to think about this one thing; life is beautiful. And what's even more beautiful is being able to follow all your passions and dreams and goals and aspirations and all that good stuff...AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!
Let me rewind a lil bit. HEY GUYS! I gotta do better at this blogging thing. I feel like I pull up every 6 months, give you an update, get you invested, and then disappear into thin air. Kind of like my approach with men lately *slaps knee*. Just kidding. Kinda ;) Anywho, OMG! Do you know how much has happened in my life in the past few months?!
Quick Update:
-I graduated with my Masters Degree in Education in May.
-Moved out my parents' house and got my own apartment in June.
-Got a new car in July.
&nd a host of minor wins in between that. I got the opportunity to be featured on a podcast, modeled clothing on a website (click here to check me outtt) ,was featured on Buzzfeed for being in a pack of tarot cards, and some other cool stuff :) I am kinda proud myself, won't even lie. Working hard, saving up, watching all these things just happen to me and for me...how can one not believe in a higher power? People really think mere HUMANS are responsible for all the things we go through and grow through? Nah man, I gotta thank God for helping me to accomplish the goals I set out for myself, because NONE of these things were easy. God, family, and friends. Where would I be without you all? <3
Living by myself has been quite the experience thus far. It has definitely pushed me right into the part of adulthood that I didn't know was this harsh. I mean YO!! I haven't been this broke in a while lmao. Granted, I get paid next week and I'll be back on deck, but wow. Paying rent, utilities, and these 42,000 credit card bills I've accumulated over the years? I've cried a couple times. No one wants to live paycheck to paycheck. No one wants to pinch their money, or pass up on fun stuff because they can't afford it. But I've been trying not to beat myself up about it, because I know it's only temporary. I know that I will never go hungry or homeless, and those 2 blessings alone are enough to help me wipe these millennial-struggle tears away. And plus, once my masters pay raise kicks in in September...it's littttt ;)
The best part about living alone? Being ALONE! Who knew solitude was so peaceful and refreshing? I love being alone with my thoughts. I love being able to walk around naked. I love cleaning the toilet and swiffering the floor. I love making my lemon water the night before work. I love blasting music and shaking my ass in the mirror. I love drinking wine and watching Insecure on my cute ass couch in my cute ass living room. I mean, of course I get lonely sometimes, but I'm lucky. I live 5 minutes away from my favorite people; my mom, dad, and sister. So whenever I start to think I'm hearing too many creaky noises and somebody is trying to kill me, or whenever I don't feel like cooking (97% of the time), I hop in my whip and ease on down the road for some love and some eats.
Speaking of love...
I reread some my blog posts before this and had to chuckle. I was so in love a few months ago, and I'm so happy to be on my own right now. This is probably the most single I've ever been and I truly have been enjoying it. Not on some "men are disgusting and I wanna be alone forever" type of stuff either. I haven't been by myself completely, without a boyfriend, in about 6 years bro. SIX YEARS. That is a very long time. That's since I was 20, and even before that, I was always involved with some guy. It's not even that I'm the type of person to feel like I NEED someone. I dunno man, I'm just always seriously involved, and for the past few months, this time to myself has really rejuvenated my entire spirit. The things I have learned about myself, the way I changed in little ways that make the biggest difference, has been so fascinating to feel happening. For instance, I'm so much more honest with guys now, about my wants, needs, preferences, you name it. When you're in a relationship, we tend to subconsciously put our personal needs and wants on the back burner because we're so worried about pleasing the other person, or trying to avoid an argument, or stupid things like that. So when you're only concern is yourself, it really puts things into perspective. I feel like I have so much more free time; time to focus on myself and all of my dreams, not trying to help build up someone else's son. That's what Syd does. I started to realize that I have this thing where I end up dating men that don't have their shit together, so I take it upon myself to try to help build them up. I'm the type to be at work creating long email lists of jobs for them. I'm the type to build my boyfriend a website, and send him the log in info like "here babe, just made you a website for your business." I'm the type to offer to pay for a whole mini vacation because I know they may not have it like that. But I never feel like I received that same type of investment or effort, ever. I always feel like the giver, and seldom am I on the receiving end. Of course past partners have done things for me, but something was just always missing; something was always off.
These past few months of relearning myself makes me feel like the next serious relationship I get into has to be amazing. I. Will. Not. Settle. Ever. Again. And you shouldn't either. If you don't like someone that smokes weed every day, don't settle for the person that refuses to break that bad habit. If you're tired of being the only person in a relationship with a car because you feel like you're driving Miss Daisy, then it is okay to not want to get serious with someone that doesn't drive. If you don't want to be with someone who doesn't have a steady job, or someone that's shorter than you, or someone you're not physically attracted to, or someone that always uses the wrong "there, they're, their", then man, it is OKAY. You have to understand that your wants are not stupid. Your needs are not impossible to be met. You are not being too picky, or asking for too "much". It just means you know what you bring to the table, and you are no longer settling for less than your equal. When you're with someone and you feel like you're doing more, or giving more and not receiving the same effort or energy, resentment eventually kicks in and that never leads anywhere good. I think that's one of the most important lessons I've learned in these past few months:
Quarter Lifer Epiphany #6: I'm the shit and my partner needs to be the shit too.
I turned 26 on the 7th, and while I was kind of nervous because 26 just sounded so old to me, I'm actually very excited about what this year has in store for me. Growing older is a blessing, a blessing a lot of us take for granted. Do you know how many people don't live to see 26? Yet, here I am breathing, laughing, living, loving. Some of the messages I received on my birthday touched me so deeply, and I needed that. I needed to know that my life is of some type of inspiration to even one person, because what else would be the point? Going into my 3rd year of teaching, I'm seeing more and more how much of an impact we can have on others, and I only want my impact to be one of positivity and motivation. I've been through some hurtful things, experienced low moments, made stupid mistakes; but in the same token, I have grown and learned a great deal, achieved some pretty awesome things, am working towards even more awesome things; and the best part is, the best is yet to come ;)
